Ranbir Kapoor, who has been in a steady relationship with Alia Bhatt for around three years, has admitted to having been in relationships most of his adult life

Dating or marrying a serial dater can be hard. The personality is usually seen as commitment phobic, flippant, indecisive and therefore, problematic. They could move on from you as easily as they did from the last. And the one before that. And before that. The baggage of experiences they bring can often overwhelm the less experienced one. Bollywood has its share of serial daters, who decided to finally settle for one. Ranbir Kapoor, who in an interview during mid-day’s celebrity chat series Sit With Hitlist, discussed being in love before, and his current relationship with actress Alia Bhatt, whom he has been dating for the last three years, with news that the two will soon marry. “See the thing is… love, relationship, companionship, and to find it repeatedly is very rare. When you isolate yourself so much, from the world, from people, you tend to find that one person, who you kind of devote to, or direct your feeling and emotion towards because it comforts you, it shelters you. In a way it makes your life easy. That one person sometimes comes in the form of friendship. In my life it has come in form of a partner,” he had said. Kapoor has in the past had serious relationships with actresses Katrina Kaif and Deepika Padukone. 

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In an interview to the New York Times, psychologist Paulette Sherman, author of Dating From the Inside Out, had said, serial daters “often love the chase but don’t commit.” “They’re basically addicted to the romance of early dating, but they get bored easily and move on.” To be a partner to a serial dater requires maturity to be able to make peace with the past and get on with  the belief that everyone grows, and changes for the better. Television and film actor Karan Singh Grover, who is married to actress Bipasha Basu, had in an interview to this writer a year ago, mused about his evolution as a partner and human being. “I was a very different person 10 years ago. You can only understand [the change] when you are privy to feeling some kind of high emotion, like love or happiness. I don’t connect with the person I used to be.”

Karan Singh Grover, who got married to Bipasha Basu after being married twice before, had told mid-day in 2020 that he didn’t connect with the person he used to be, and time with Bipasha had changed things

Architect Kovil Mandaviya is married to homeopath Ayushi, 23. It’s been just three months of official togetherness for the couple, who are polar opposites in their approach to love. Ayushi says she has never been in a relationship before this one, while Kovil, 28, has been in eight relationships. “All my friends tell me, ‘arrey, he has dated so many’. But I say, I am happy that he has. He knows how to behave in a relationship,” she laughs. She does agree that sometimes it gets tricky when she realises it’s an experience that’s a first for her. Her remedy—she reminds herself of all the good things about her partner. Mandaivya, on the other hand, was surprised when he met her, and found himself revealing himself honestly to her. “She admired my honesty, and would ask me to tell her more. I’d share funny stories about my past, and we’d laugh. She is a  listener.”

Psychologist Hvovi Bhagwagar prefers for suggest that partners exercise caution before taking the plunge. “Cultural context moulds women to play the lead role in ‘Beauty and the Beast’. And much like Beauty, whose love converted beast into Prince, they too believe that they can convert a serial dater into a committed partner. While this may or not happen, the fact is that many women enter relationships with a power imbalance, constantly trying to keep the partner interested. This insecurity needs to be worked on, if the relationship is to be a healthy one.” But she clarifies that the myth that a serial dater cannot be a committed partner is questionable. “A lot depends on the reasons for the serial dating. It could have been an escape from forcible marriage alliances, a way to overcome dating anxiety, among other reasons. As long  as both partners work on their individual insecurities, any partnership can work and be a fulfilling one.”

Advertising professional Payal Shah agrees. She got married last year after she and her partner were stuck together during the pandemic lockdown. “It wouldn’t have happened otherwise.” The serial dater, now, much like her husband, says that she is happy they both had their share of dating before they met. “It helps you realise what you want and don’t want. It also offers you a deeper look into human behaviour. “I am able to identify behaviour and mood patterns, and that in the end, helps you save time.”

'Some names have been withheld on request.