It may not be that difficult an idea to sell to the government either, because everyone knows events like these involve a lot of foreign holidays. They can be called ‘fact-finding missions’ to make them seem more business-like, but we know the drill, and our ministers know it too. Imagine the sheer number of taxpayer-funded trips our ministers, their families, and extended families, can wrangle out of a project like this. Imagine the opportunities for the setting up of committees and subcommittees, and the kind of possibilities that make politicians across the length and breadth of this country salivate.

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We can hold matches across Maharashtra, so it doesn’t seem as if Bombay has an undue advantage. This will boost infrastructure too, because we can create a few more coastal roads or replace mangroves and forested areas with highways connecting one football stadium to the other. This may make it hard for us to commute for a decade or so, but what’s a minor inconvenience when we can watch a lot of people play football at the end of that period? It’s how the people of Qatar coped too, with patience and stoicism, managing to smile despite a few hundred migrant workers losing their lives. We should all aspire to that level of fortitude.

I realise there are other things the government needs to focus on rather than making a pitch to host the World Cup but, let’s be honest, this may be a good thing because it may divert them from the kind of projects they usually obsess over, such as bringing penguins to Bombay, making sure we are all sleeping with the right kind of people, or all eating a prescribed diet. Imagine what the rest of us can accomplish while they meet for years to discuss the pros and cons of a stadium in Mira Road or a training zone in Raigad.

There are also ways in which we can cut corners, and not spend the kind of money Qatar must obviously have spent on building these lavish arenas. We do this every other month anyway, whenever a dignitary or foreign delegation visits one of our cities. We can take tips from more evolved states like Gujarat, for instance, and simply cover everything unsightly with cloth, shielding it from view. Companies can then be persuaded to advertise on these coverings, guaranteeing their brands and products global exposure as international footballers drive past. It’s what marketing people refer to as a win-win situation.

I am aware that this proposal sounds frivolous because it has been decades since we hosted an event involving more than two or three countries. This is the new India though, full of Smart Cities and Bullet trains that will be zipping through our cities any day now. The only thing preventing us from hosting a World Cup event is a lack of belief in our abilities.

We may not have the money, infrastructure, competence, tools, or quality control mechanisms to build something lasting, but the best thing about the World Cup is how ephemeral it needs to be. All we must do is build shiny, bright venues that can last for a month. The BMC has already been doing this for decades. 

We won’t win the Cup, obviously, but the Prime Minister can have a prominent role at the opening and closing ceremonies. I can’t think of a more convincing reason.

When he isn’t ranting about all things Mumbai, Lindsay Pereira can be almost sweet. He tweets @lindsaypereira
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