My concern for rapists in particular has been fading over the past couple of years though, thanks to the humanitarian efforts of some politicians, and the consistent support of our esteemed judiciary. Consider what happened in Madhya Pradesh a little over a month ago, when an old law was upheld for the umpteenth time to dismiss a woman’s complaint that her husband committed “unnatural sex”. We don’t like discussing sex at all, of course, and “unnatural sex” has always had a bad reputation with our pious lawyers and lawmakers. The complaint was promptly dismissed on the grounds that it is not illegal for a husband to force his wife to engage in sexual acts. In other words, what most countries would define as rape becomes a minor irritant at best. It allows rapists to get on with their lives without being bogged down by inconveniences such as jail terms.

A government survey carried out from 2019 to 2021 revealed that 17.6 per cent of more than 100,000 women between 15 and 49 were unable to refuse their husband if they didn’t want sex. It is an important statistic to keep in mind, given that this ‘marital rape exemption’ has been in place since the British were around. If you’re wondering whether it will disappear anytime soon, now that we’re in the year 2024, don’t hold your breath. The government is focusing on more important reminders of our colonial legacy, such as railway stations that need to be renamed. It will presumably get around to fixing legal issues that affect vulnerable citizens when the signboards have all been replaced.

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My concern for rapists disappeared completely when I found out about a man who is supposedly the third youngest member of parliament in India. Here’s a fun fact: he is our first publicised ‘mass rapist’, and managed to escape to Europe because airport security exists only to stop those who carry liquids of over 100 millilitres. He may be arrested by the time this column goes to print, but I won’t be surprised if he will be welcomed with garlands and a rally either. It’s been known to happen before, hasn’t it?

I knew the future of rapists was secure after finding out that the mass rapist was supported by a major political party that genuinely cares about criminals. The National Commission for Women said nothing, the Minister of Women and Child Development posted selfies with stand-up comics on Instagram, and the honourable Prime Minister himself campaigned for the rapist, asking us all to give him a chance by voting him to Parliament once more. If that isn’t enough to rehabilitate a criminal, nothing is.

This is an election year, and a lot of people may vote based on the only thing that matters—religion and the importance of bigotry—but I would like to point out why political parties that care about criminals ought to be supported, because we should think of our future. If your son is accused of rape tomorrow, you should know that there are politicians committed to giving him a safe space and welcoming him as one of their own. That is the kind of party that will take us all into the next century and make us a superpower.

When he isn’t ranting about all things Mumbai, Lindsay Pereira can be almost sweet. He tweets @lindsaypereira

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The views expressed in this column are the individual’s and don’t represent those of the paper