Lady Flora was impressed by Sir PM’s connection with sport, considering his conversations rarely entered the sporting arena. “There was terrific intent, to ensure India was noticed on a global sporting platform. Unfortunately, the medals tally even over a hundred years later is abysmal. I am still trying to get my head around why the country isn’t producing more Olympic medal winners when you boast of such a large population. Questions abound: for starters, is there a uniform grass-roots-level talent scout programme to support budding athletes, especially for those who hail from lower income backgrounds?” she questioned.

“Honestly, we are a cricket nation, but not a sporting one. There is a big difference. Despite some corporate giants, talent platforms and the sports ministry doing their bit with funding, it’s not a consolidated, sustained effort to dip into scattered talent across our vast country. The average school-going child in most Indian towns and villages has very little access to sport. We witness this once-in-four-year buzz, and then poof! All is forgotten after the Games; underperforming athletes are taunted and people get back to following cricket. There is a deep vacuum from idea to execution of the Olympic dream,” explained Sir PM.   

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“On a lighter note, I think Bombaywallahs will make for fine athletes at the highest levels. Take the average Virar or Kalyan fast train commuter. The agility and promptness with which some of them are able to bag a window seat when the train enters Churchgate terminus or CSMT, will pale in comparison to those final bursts by Usain Bolt and Flo Jo. The big-ticket 100m and 200m races, and hurdles events will be a cakewalk,” remarked Lady Flora, with the seriousness of a sports broadcaster, adding, “Besides, the IOA should look closely at the many ‘heavyweights’ in the ladies’ compartment [I have personally encountered several] as contenders in weightlifting, wrestling, judo and boxing. The East European, Chinese, Cuban and Turkish competitors won’t know what struck them!”

Keen to add his observations to this entertaining conversation, Sir PM said, “I think we have a shot in triathlon…” Lady Flora wondered why this specific discipline caught her friend’s attention. “Gosh, but it’s one of the toughest events at the Olympics?” she uttered. “Not to worry. These Bombay lads and lassies will beat those Germans, Africans and Norwegians. Come the monsoon, and by default they get the best training possible, courtesy the potholes, puddles and craters. Plus, the flooding helps them smartly negotiate sea or river-like currents. Their stamina is top-notch, thanks to the daily dash to the railway station or bus stop, not to forget the fantastic timing they possess to hop on or off the moving bus or train. The training to keep their limbs fit for the cycling part is sorted out with the countless bridges they cross from one platform to another on a daily basis, when the fast local becomes a slow or semi-fast, or vice versa. They work on autopilot; even the Japs haven’t cracked this successful template of the sporty Bombaywallah,” Sir PM was grinning by now.  

“Also, this sub-species of idiotic yet agile citizens who ace jumping over road dividers should seriously consider taking up long jump or high jump. We don’t have a medal in those disciplines. I also noticed young fellas who daringly jump into the sea from extreme heights across our waterfronts; what’s stopping talent scouts from getting them on board for swimming or diving?” shared Lady Flora.

This lighthearted chat had managed to lift the dull mood because of India’s below-par showing at the Games. “May the second week bring joy. Whether there is talent in our city or elsewhere, I hope the powers governing Indian sport act rather than react; may more corporate giants support athletes as they do for cricket. Sport has to grow into a way of life, only then can we expect change,” philosophised Sir PM, quickly adding, “My Lady, let’s sign up for badminton sessions from next week, shall we?”

mid-day’s Features Editor Fiona Fernandez relishes the city’s sights, sounds, smells and stones...wherever the ink and the inclination takes her. 
She tweets @bombayana. Send your feedback to mailbag@mid-day.com