The incident prompted me to consider writing a proposal to the government, suggesting special cells for politicians who are inadvertently arrested for no fault of their own. This may sound like a frivolous exercise, but it isn’t when one takes a closer look at the criminal records of people who represent us in Parliament. Some of them have even been accused of heinous crimes like genocide and have had their visas revoked by other countries for appalling crimes against humanity. It is, therefore, important that we consider the conditions waiting for these misunderstood people when and if they eventually move from Rashtrapati Bhavan to Tihar jail.

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There should be a tiered system in place for politicians, offering them specific services based on their age, number of years spent in devoted service and, obviously, the party they belong to because we all know that only some parties deserve special treatment. We can also use this to our benefit by allowing journalists access to these special cells, and tasking them with reporting on conditions within to reassure the rest of the world that we know how to take care of our criminals.

The one good thing that emerged from the incident involving the poor minister being harassed was his ability to turn to the law, and request that the media be restrained from running any footage from inside his prison cell. It sets a wrong precedent when criminals aren’t even allowed to receive massages in the privacy of their prison cells, and I am sure the courts will do the right thing and prioritise this case over other unimportant requests such as sipping cups for elderly prisoners and the like that have wasted their time in the past.

I believe a tiered prison system will also reassure future politicians heading to jail that they will not be unhappy, which can have a positive impact on the way they conduct their day-to-day business as representatives of Indians everywhere. It will help them pick and choose the parties they wish to work for, and adopt the most appropriate manifesto before an election, with their long-term prospects in mind. These special cells can also be offered as part of the other package deals with which politicians are routinely wooed at five-star resorts every five years or so. This sort of transparency has the potential to genuinely transform our democracy and make it seem more authentic that it really is. The benefits for India on the world stage are incalculable. It is free PR we are wilfully ignoring.

The nicest thing I learned about the minister being unfairly attacked is how his health has improved in jail. Apparently, his lawyers mistakenly claimed that he had lost 28 kg while under arrest, but an unnamed source helpfully informed the press that he had really gained 8 kg. If that doesn’t urge other politicians to be more hopeful of life under incarceration, I don’t know what will.

When he isn’t ranting about all things Mumbai, Lindsay Pereira can be almost sweet. He tweets @lindsaypereira
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The views expressed in this column are the individual’s and don’t represent those of the paper.