But the most unusual element of this affair was its air of autonomy. Sonakshi and her partner, Zaheer Iqbal, sent out the invitation on their own behalf, and had a registered marriage in her own flat. There was no “beti ko vida karna”  vibe, no teary parents and smiling sasu ma taking centre stage. This was the wedding of someone quite her own woman, choosing her own someone. It was not a transfer of ownership from daughter to wife or daughter-in-law—such gestures weren’t even vestigially present. Sister was doing it for herself.

The questions were present all along—did her parents not approve? Were her brothers not coming? Was it because it was a Hindu-Muslim wedding? But Sonakshi managed to never let it take over the narrative. The wedding showed us how much things have changed in how women imagine their lives (Jai feminism). But equally, we see how old ideas of control surface violently, and take new shapes.

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Threats and vicious comments about love jihad followed, making you wonder about the dark and joyless inner world of bhakts. One person tweeted “Just 3 days after the marriage, Sonakshi Sinha has no mangalsutra, no sindoor, no chura in hands. To fool Hindus, they’ll say she hasn’t converted. But she’ll be a crypto-Muslim going forward. Look out for hijab pictures”. Such orgiastic negative fantasies and such obsession with women wearing the marks of marriage.

The autonomy that Sonakshi exhibited is the very thing that such conservatives fear. Love jihad is rooted in the idea that women belong to a community— that their identity as people is secondary to every other identity, from religion to caste to family—and the fear that as women make their own choices, they threaten the primacy of men, their right to decide for others. If Indian men cared so much about women’s rights, the government would not say that criminalising marital rape threatens the sanctity of marriage. These graphic fantasies of conversion and control are simply their own desires given dark forms.

In such a world Sonakshi’s real beauty and coolness is not only about choosing her love. It’s about choosing to love herself as a full-grown woman. So, say Shava shava Sona.

Paromita Vohra is an award-winning Mumbai-based filmmaker, writer and curator working with fiction and non-fiction. Reach her at paromita.vohra@mid-day.com