I’ve lived alone too—among books and movies—since 15 years. Sure, I’ve had my ups and downs. But lonely? No, I can’t even remember when I last felt lonely. If I have to go right now, I will go gladly, and with a full heart. Once, a friend, Sandesh Kshatriya, told me that when he was young, his single mum had arranged a puja, after his family had been through a rough time, and the priest asked him, what do you wish for? Sandesh said, nothing. No, no, ask, like good job, beautiful wife, big house. “I want nothing. I already have everything I want,” Sandesh shrugged, annoying the priest no end. That fullness of heart is so rare today.

Covid has brutally reminded us of the fragility of life, and I have learnt to delight in the big-small joys of life. Plants on my balcony offering me flowers. I imagine they want to surprise me with flowers held behind their backs, but they simply can’t hide them because their buds take a few days to blossom. The spectacular raintree outside, swarming with chittering squirrels. Tapri chai and nankhatai at the street corner—sweaty rickshawallahs take a slight step back when ‘madam’ joins them. I cherish spending time with Amma, who is 95, and with my friends. Amma and I have been learning a beautiful Tukaram abhang in Marathi together—Lahanpana dega deva, mungi sakharecha rawa (Lord, grant me littleness, the ant is thrilled with a grain of sugar). It is a privilege to work with the Berlin Film Festival and others. And there is also so much richness in living with gratitude and kindness.

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So, if you’re going to post nice-nice things about me when I’m gone, forget it! Baad mein mat bolo. Tell me now. Show me now. 

Meenakshi Shedde is India and South Asia Delegate to the Berlin International Film Festival, National Award-winning critic, curator to festivals worldwide and journalist. 
Reach her at meenakshi.shedde@mid-day.com