Living away from home, I keep thinking about the brilliance of the average Indian woman, the intelligence with which they live their lives and the resilience they are forced to manifest. What wonders we could achieve if we had systems that actually enabled and empowered us, instead of bogging us down? What if we could genuinely be allowed to be the rulers of our own fates, the purveyors of our own destinies? If we didn’t have to bow down to parental forces that are invested in seeing us settle down and be domesticated? If we could walk the streets without fear, our heads held high and defiant, without having to cower down to the male gaze or live under the constant threat of being sexually abused or exploited? We would be unstoppable. And unlike men, we would take our communities ahead with us, we would mobilise and share our agency with others, not keep the privileges for ourselves.

Instead, what we must contend with is a system that privileges a few and undermines the many. Standing up against your own oppression often shaves years off your career. You are punished for it, either directly or indirectly. This is a fact so many women who were vocal during the #MeToo movement can attest to. The powers that be kept tabs on who was silent, and who was foaming at the mouth. I experienced this first-hand in the Indian art world, a microcosm that reflects the larger contemporary Indian reality. I have in mind also the scholars who recently died in the basement of an IAS coaching centre, sites that exist to feed the insatiable appetite young Indians have towards bettering the circumstances of their lives. The flouting of building regulations is another way in which we fail ourselves regularly, because it reflects how cheaply we see our own lives and our disregard for wanting to better our own lot. I have in mind Dalit scholars, many of whom are so brilliant, they could outshine their peers at international universities, but they never get a chance to test their mettle because they have to constantly come up against systems that are designed to repress their ambition and kill their spirit.

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This is what patriarchy does, especially Brahmanical patriarchy. It allows only those with certain forms of social and caste capital and currency to enjoy privilege. All the rest must survive on the merit of their own resilience, without any edge. We are told it is up to us to work hard, so that if we do not succeed, we do not question the system but internalise the blame. If we are successful, our success story is also taken away from us, instrumentalised by the state and its systems who happily take responsibility. But if we fail, then it is us alone who must be held accountable. Reading the statement that was released on Wednesday by the Indian Olympic Association, I felt like once again a female athlete was being thrown under the bus, because their message conveniently relayed only the fact of her not ‘making weight’, saying nothing about the systemic failure that compelled her to compete in a category that wasn’t perhaps best suited to her bodily conditions. As if to say Vinesh Phogat is solely responsible for her failure, when in fact, she has been wronged all along. 

I want to tell her how proud I am of her, and that if she chooses to retire at this moment, I fully support her decision to prioritise herself, to opt out of fighting the system. India has done nothing to deserve her, but Indian women are blessed to have her as an idol. 

Deliberating on the life and times of every woman, Rosalyn D’Mello is a reputable art critic and the author of A Handbook For My Lover. She tweets @RosaParx
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The views expressed in this column are the individual’s and don’t represent those of the paper.