Let me begin by saying how gratifying it was to be recognised as the world’s most amazing country for the eighth time in a row. It’s safe to assume we are used to this by now, given how nothing positive really happened in our ancient land before 2014 or so, but it’s still nice to be recognised publicly. I can’t find the organisation that hands out this distinction, but I’m sure some intrepid soul will locate and post it on Facebook for the rest of us to like and share before the year is out.

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We may have ranked 132 out of 191 countries and territories in the Human Development Report 2021/2022 released in September, but I still think we are the world’s most amazing country because of how much we consistently manage to accomplish with so little. We beat COVID-19 armed with nothing more than candles and steel thalis, for example, and there is no other country on Earth that can come close to that achievement. China is still struggling with an epidemic we effortlessly vanquished, and the only price we paid was a few hundred thousand casualties.

This year brought us closer to our goal of eradicating poverty too, and I have no doubt the coming months will make it harder for us to spot an impoverished child on our gleaming streets. The Global Nutrition Index 2018 allegedly revealed that India had one-third of the world’s stunted children, but I’m sure this has changed in the past couple of years because a friend of mine recently walked the length of Colaba Causeway and couldn’t find a single hungry child. We are probably closer to eliminating hunger than we have been led to believe, and I intend to celebrate with a large slice of cake later today. I urge you to do the same.

Another indicator of how good things were is the Henley Passport Index of 2022, which ranked our fabulous country at 87th on the list, down a mere two spots from the previous year’s ranking of 85. It means we can now enjoy hassle-free entry to 60 countries and are well on our way to possessing the world’s most powerful passport within the next one hundred years. I foresee hordes of desperate Englishmen and Americans standing in lines at our consulates abroad, hoping against hope for a work visa to our shores.

Speaking of work, we came close to removing unemployment too, which really ought to be talked about more on our television channels. I understand this isn’t what the Centre for Monitoring Indian Economy reported a month ago, when it said that India’s unemployment rate for November had jumped to 8 per cent, compared with October’s 7.77 per cent, but I am sure they haven’t evaluated the true nature of unemployment. If they paid attention, they would find that even the millions of young Indians supposedly looking for work are, in reality, busy on social media. I believe that as long as they are occupied, they should be treated as employed because a salary alone doesn’t define a job. Look at our politicians, toiling away day and night for meagre honorary sums, earning nothing for their years in Parliament. Would we define them as unemployed? I think not.

Here’s to the crossing of more milestones in 2023. May we all—activists, journalists, Dalits, and some minorities too—thrive in another year of democracy.

When he isn’t ranting about all things Mumbai, Lindsay Pereira can be almost sweet. He tweets @lindsaypereira
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