I felt the urge to celebrate this moment in space and time, this feeling of equanimity, when the dust had somewhat settled after the definitive moment of becoming a mother and nursing my surgical scar while pumping frequently in the early days to manage a regular supply while simultaneously working. I had somewhat conquered my worst fears about motherhood—that it would interfere with my personal subjectivity, that it would totally rob me of time to myself and turn me into an over-anxious person. Of course, having a supportive partner who shares the workload makes everything lighter, but I also know I would not have ventured into this set-up in the absence of that help. It’s possible, even, that I have done some of my most exciting work professionally after I became a mother. I have taught at least four intense workshops in universities and art institutes, have consistently written my art criticism columns, alongside other projects that I have seen to fruition and managed to make time to offer feedback to other writers. I was approached by two students to be their thesis advisor, which felt like an unexpected honour. And I am continuing to be able to access my emotions. I have my not-so-great days when I feel shipwrecked by the demands of caregiving, and I break down. But I also have moments when I watch our child exhibit a deep curiosity for the world and a delight in all its little offerings. It is in those moments that I feel truly blessed.

I guess ‘making it’ is really a matter of perspective. You must weigh what you have achieved against the grain of what you were conditioned to believe constitutes success—owning a fancy car with a driver, or being CEO of a company, or earning some crazy digit salary or owning real estate or being a landlord, to getting the promotion you always wanted. It really is the small things that contribute to joy. Everything else is part of material culture and is embedded in capitalist beliefs about the importance of accumulating wealth. If we reorient our focus and designate more joy-appropriate professional and personal agendas for ourselves we might suddenly find we can do without all of these, that our sense of self is not attached to the act of ownership or possession. You might have ‘made it’ long before you realised you did.

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Deliberating on the life and times of Everywoman, Rosalyn D’Mello is a reputable art critic and the author of A Handbook For My Lover. She tweets @RosaParx
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The views expressed in this column are the individual’s and don’t represent those of the paper.