Illustration/Uday Mohite

Look, in my humble view, dressed the way he does, like an Indian Ray Donovan, Rajan should have been the next head of NIFT — yup, the National Institute of Fashion Technology no less. Instead, the powers decided that couture trends in the country should be decided by a cricketer — hence, Shri Chetan Chauhan.

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What's wrong with that? I've always felt that the October fall collections should be inspired by an opening batsman. In fact, I am absolutely gobsmacked that Anil Kumble is the new Indian cricket coach. I was certain either Tarun Tahiliani or Sabyasachi Mukerjee would have fitted the bill better.

I mean it makes total sense that a man like Pahlaj Nihalaniji, known for his raunchy comedies, should have been the head of the Censor Board. Though I hear major shuffles are being considered after the Udta Punjab uprising. Top contenders are Mallika Sherawat and Rakhi Sawant.

FTII is headed by a character from the Mahabharat. So much aggravation and striking students. Why? I mean, the guy has played Yudhisthir in a TV serial. That counts, right? The head of the Pandavas deserves to be the head of Pune's film school, considering all the rebellion and battles he's encountered in Kurukshetra.

There are so many other changes in the offing — Donald Trump is expected to be trumped by Ms Clinton — NaMo on his recent visit to the US already requested the man to come to India to head the new Realty Builders Inc (RBI). And to put land grabbers like Eknath Khadse in their place.

Nitish Kumar wants PM Modi to enforce prohibition across India, as he feels that booze addiction interferes in the concentration required for yoga.

So, he becomes Minister of state for Yoga. Salman Khan, known for shooting black bucks and shooting his mouth off will juggle two portfolios — India's wrestling coach and PDA (Pavement Dwellers Association).

Vijay Mallya will be our special envoy to the United Kingdom. Also, he plans to introduce a new single malt called Brexit No 1. And, finally, Ms Smriti Irani, asked what she thought of UK leaving the European Union, answered — 'EU? What's that? Short for 'Education'?'

Rahul da Cunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahuldacunha62@gmail.com