Recently, the founder of Past Perfect Heritage Management Sanghamitra Chatterjee spoke about the plan of hosting an ‘unstructured’ birthday party for her son. Growing in trend among many parents, and children, an unstructured birthday party involves children planning their own routines, activities, décor and even food for their special day. Experts suggest this could possibly be a good way to initiate children to accountability and encourage their creativity.

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For Arpita Mukherjee, 35, mother to a two-year-old and a four-year-old, it was always about the children. “Our generation grew up often hesitating to ask something from our parents. I did not want my children to have that,” she notes. This year, she let her children make the choice of visiting the zoo to see their favourite animals on her daughter’s birthday. “We order for just a small cake, and cut it there. It was a small celebration, and about what they wanted to do,” she remarks.

Shereen’s five-year-old daughter and her friends enjoy the spa party

In such cases, parents become facilitators rather than providers. Sachin Shanbhag, 46, vice president insights and visualization, Tata AIG, is just stepping out from his 11-year-old son’s ongoing sleepover, a pre-birthday tradition. “On the weekend before their [daughter and son] birthday, they invite a few of their closest friends on a sleepover. They decide the activities, the number of their friends and the dinner menu. We simply help them out with the logistics,” he explains.

Deeksha Shereen, 32, a senior manager at a media company, believes the same. “I remember on my daughter’s first birthday, we decided to go big. It soon struck us that our intention of celebrating her birthday grandly was overwhelming for her. So, we decided to change it,” she recalls. This year, her five-year-old daughter wished for a spa party with her little friends, and the mother was only happy to oblige.

Tejashri Acharya

Creative freedom

Shereen continues, “My daughter and her friends often play-at tea parties. So, last year, she asked for a tea party décor. I sat down with her and offered the suggestion of hosting an English tea party,” she says. These moments of creativity can emerge from planning the décor to even designing invites. Shanbhag says, “My son is a huge fan of the videogame Roblox, so he sat down and designed a personalised Roblox invite for his friends this year. He chose the photo of Lionel Messi for his cake.”

Deeksha Shereen

Mahek Jain, founder of birthday planning venture, Justlittlethingsss shares, “Often when the parent plans a routine, the focus is more on the food, the décor and other elements. For the children, it is almost always about what they have to play, and how much more fun they can have. They can be extremely creative with their ideas, and come up with games and design suggestions.”

Learning independence

Such little decisions allow the children to grow responsible, and take control. “I see it as a positive sign that they are getting ready for the real world,” says Shanbhag. Mukherjee believes that giving children an open forum to share their needs and wants can lead to better communication in the future.

A birthday celebration organised by Jain

Freedom within boundaries

Yet, there are set boundaries. Shanbhag’s kids understand that an evening dinner with the family on the special day is a non-negotiable. Similarly, Shereen maintains that there needs to be a balance. “A routine helps the child understand discipline. But their playtime has to be unstructured. From getting messy to colouring outside the lines, I allow her to explore that time as she wishes.”

Shanbhag with his family

Parenting counsellor, Tejashri Acharya points out that routines and structure are not entirely bad. “Unstructured time and freedom also depend on the age group of the child. Parents tend to start kids on an early schedule of waking up, school time and study. But from the beginning, there has to be some section of the day that is a free gift.”

Mahek Jain

For instance, children at the age of five years need to have at least two hours in the day where they can function independently. “This is so that we do not impose a corporate life on them. But you do want the child to understand that there are certain things we do at certain points of the day,” she explains.

A tea party-themed birthday celebration

While it is all well and good to coax children to gradually take up responsibilities, Acharya reminds, “Teaching children about responsibility isn’t easy. It can take several years and lots of practice.” On the way, it is important for them to not forget how to have fun.