Rekha Vaghela and Itisha Peerbhoy

When it comes to grief, Itisha Peerbhoy, a psychotherapist, notes that while many people describe it as extreme sadness with regard to loss, it is not one emotion. “It is the experience of a host of emotions in varying degrees and combinations over time that can surface at unexpected times and in unexpected ways,” she explains. Peerbhoy adds that sometimes, devastating loss and grief can hijack your thoughts and make you unaware of your behaviour. This is not ideal for top executives and their co-workers  in professional spaces, as everyone is focused on getting the job done rather than trying to understand personal struggles. She notes, “It can lead to bosses being labelled as bad-tempered or difficult, and even result in  job loss in extreme situations.”

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How can newly appointed leaders strike a balance between stressful professional demands and internal emotional turmoil? Two mental health experts and a work coach provide us with a checklist of tools for professionals to manage stress, without misplacing it onto their employees, peers, or themselves.

Working it out

Keep water at hand, and when stressed, take a sip before responding

The transition to and challenges of a new leadership role can invite isolation, self-doubt, and anxiety. Rekha Vaghela, a work and life integration coach and founder, Rekha V Academy, informs us that responses may show up as lack of motivation, faulty decision making, unexpected small mistakes, difficulty in concentrating, low productivity levels, and unusual behaviour, which will further lead to increased anxiety. To break the cycle, she suggests a list of dos and don’ts:
>> Know your abilities, shortcomings and temperament. Ask yourself what you need and how you can lead better. 
>> Find your purpose, then define the purpose for the team. Move forward with shared clarity and vision.
>> Set boundaries for yourself according to your capabilities.
>> Delegate work, and take decisions with your core team.
>> Don’t resist change.
>> Don’t blame yourself or others for errors or failure.
>> Don’t ignore stress signals like sleepless nights, irritability, muscle tension, etc.

Show up for yourself

Leaders should invest in professional help for support and guidance

What is self-regulation and how can it help manage stress? Peerbhoy notes, “Self-regulation means the ability to bring our bodies and thoughts back to equanimity after any stressful event.” She explains that when stressed, you will notice quickened breathing, a tightness in your chest, clenched fists and other similar experiences which are a body’s natural reactions to an ‘unsafe’ situation. “But often, the body continues to remain in that state even though the situation no longer exists,” she adds. Self-regulation is a way to check in with our body, and help it to return to a state of normalcy. It enables you to respond better. 

She recommends:
>> Opt for communication over e-mail if you need time to process and respond rather than feeling pressured to answer in the heat of the moment. 
>> Carry water with you. When you feel stress or anger rising, take a sip before reacting. 
>> Practise saying: “I need a moment”. Then, walk away for at least 10 minutes, which is the minimum amount of time it takes for the parasympathetic nervous system to kick in, before you choose to return to the situation. 
>> Invest in a professional support system such as psychotherapy to help you manage frustration and burnout, and navigate how to self-regulate in ways best suited to you.
>> Take time off. It doesn’t make you less brilliant, less strong, or less capable. It shows your subordinates and family that leadership takes maintenance to function at optimum levels. 
>> Instate a deputy whom you trust to communicate with your team on days you don’t feel up to it. 

Be kind to yourself

Nimbalkar (in pic) shares that leadership roles may induce a tendency to self-criticise or speak negatively of oneself. This may leave you no space to be vulnerable or talk about difficult feelings. At such times, self-compassion can help.

1. Turn compassion inwards to support your own emotional development. This will enable you to be gentle with and understand yourself. 
2. Have a constructive approach rather than critical attitude towards yourself.
3. Know when to step down if the situation involves prolonged periods of stress.
4. Don’t chase perfection, be flexible. Remember, you will evolve and learn through the journey.