Farzana Suri and Geeshma Thampi

Using these phrases is one step away from mansplaining, another red flag to watch out for. Image consultant and corporate trainer Greeshma Thampi gives us an example of what that means. She says that a couple of years ago, actors Katrina Kaif and Ranbir Kapoor were in an interview to promote their new film, Jagga Jasoos. “The anchor asked Katrina, ‘Could you tell us about your role?’ and when she started explaining it, Ranbir interjected saying she wasn’t doing a good job,” Thampi says, adding that his interruptions came to such a pass that Kaif was forced to tell Kapoor, “You do realise that you’re talking about my character when I am sitting right here.” Thampi says, “Men feel that they understand more about subjects like sports, technology or cars, and that women don’t have the requisite know-how. That’s a strong red flag.”

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But it’s not just about verbal communication. Say, a man goes out for a date with a woman. “It’s always a better idea for him to ask whether it’s all right for him to pick up the tab or not, instead of just grandly reaching out for the bill and his credit card. Allow her to decide. If she’s comfortable with the idea, she might say something like, ‘Okay, but it’s on me the next time.’ It’s always better to take consent even in these little things,” Thampi explains.

Listen and learn

What can we thus collectively do to remedy the situation? Suri says that the first step is to pay close attention to your own words and actions. But mere introspection is not enough. You also have to listen carefully to what others around you are saying, and reflect on that as well. 

She tells us about an interaction she had over the phone with a person trying to sell an investment policy to her. She asked him to email the details to her, but when he wrote that mail, it was addressed to ‘Mr Suri’. “I was like, he has just had a conversation with me, and then addressed me as my husband. That negated my self-worth and dignity. We are advancing towards a state where people of every gender — even the third gender — are trying to find their place under the sun. It’s like two wheels of a chariot — it will be imbalanced if one wheel is bigger than the other. And the sooner we can understand that, the faster we will move towards an equal world.”

Words that Google Docs will translate

.  Chairman to chairperson
.  Mankind to humankind
.  Policeman to police officer
.  Man hours to person hours
.  Mail man to mail carrier