Pinky Acharya, Dr Uma Bhushan and Himani Kulkarni

For Himani Kulkarni, counselling psychologist, Chaubara: A Mental Health Initiative, it is important to distinguish between these two categories in order to deal with a rude email. "You should be asking yourself, 'What about this email gets to me?' Is there clarity or vagueness? The latter is more difficult to deal with because at the end, an email is only words; you don't know the tone of what you are reading," she says.

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Take it slow

According to life coach Pinky Acharya, three questions need to be kept in mind while evaluating an email that comes off as impolite: what was this a precedent to? At what time was this email sent? At what time am I reading it? "If you're reading it at the end of the day, you're likely to be exhausted and hence, won't read it properly."

Kulkarni states that when an email is vague then the brain makes you think of the worst case scenario. So, to cope with that, think of the best case scenario, too, and then put the two of them together and think of a realistic possibility. "Calm yourself down by doing something that relaxes you. If you still want a clearer idea, it's okay to write back to the sender and ask for a heads-up," she adds.

On the other hand, if the email is a straight-out character assassination that is affecting you mentally, Acharya says that the issue could be escalated to a suitable authority like HR. But if you still wish to reply to it, maintain your composure. "If the email thread is forwarded, the louder person is always seen as the villain," she says.

Stick to the facts

As a sender, no matter how mad you are at the receiver, Kulkarni suggests you stick to the facts of the moment and not label the receiver. For instance, try not to say, "You're never doing xyz", but instead, present the situation in a manner of, "Here's what was expected of you, and here's what happened." Acharya also advises that it helps to just draft an email and sleep over it. "In the morning, read it again and decide if you still want to send it." But if you've gone ahead and sent a stinker, Kulkarni asserts that it's never too late to acknowledge your mistake.

Email etiquette

"Organisational emails are a barometer of the positivity or toxicity prevalent in the culture of that organisation," says Dr Uma Bhushan, communication researcher and faculty with Somaiya Vidyavihar University and DY Patil International University. She adds that businesses could also lose clients or be caught in litigation. She recommends the following pointers:

. Read your message aloud. If it sounds harsh to you, it will to the reader. Use exclamation marks sparingly. Avoid all caps.

. Watch out for miscom-munication due to cultural differences. People from high-context cultures like Japanese, Indian and Chinese want to know you before doing business; Americans or Scandinavians prefer to get to the point quickly. Matters that need a lot of explanation should not be discussed over email.

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