Nandakumar K

She still lives in the convent, as the court order allows for it, but “nobody here talks to me, or gives me food”.

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This episode, however, forms only the final part of her memoir. The book tries to examine what led her to this point. “I had only one aim behind writing it, which was to educate the society, especially Christian families—parents and young girls, in particular.” 

Born into the Kalapurakkal family, one of the wealthier families in the Karikkottakary village, Sister Lucy remembers being detached and disinterested in the church services and sermons. She, however, wished to do good for others. “The only path I could see in front of me was to become a Bride of Jesus Christ,” she writes in the book. Social service drew her to sisterhood, but quite early on, she remembers being tormented by the sight of a “vicar fondling and caressing a girl”. Her mother advised her against telling anyone else about it. As a nun, she encountered similar trauma, and was often at the receiving end of jibes from fellow sisters, whose inflated egos, she feels, came in the way of their service to God. “When we join the convent, we are told that it’s like coming to heaven. But when you end up facing repeated abuse and injustice at the hands of these so-called ‘saints’, the reality hits you. A sincere and dedicated Christian will always have it tough,” she thinks.

When this writer asks Sister Lucy if she still holds on to the values that first brought her closer to the church, she says, “it’s a complicated question, and even more complicated to answer”. “We are taught to love, and stand against injustices, but while this is being preached, it’s not being practiced. I want to continue doing what is expected of me, which is to love society and do whatever I can through my simple life.”

Her unsettling narrative revisits the time she was cast out for publishing a book of poems, releasing a music CD album, and for owning a car, before talking about the sexual harassment that nuns face in the Church. As one of the senior sister’s alleged, “Sister Lucy had adopted a lifestyle which did not conform to the Franciscan Clarist Congregation’s monastic ways”. She tells us now that she often felt her individuality, freedom and rights as a person were neglected, all because she had taken the vow of obedience. “But what’s the use of blind obedience?” she wonders.

The reason she decided to come out in support of the nun who raised her voice against Bishop Mulakkal, is because the other sisters seemed “blind” to the survivor’s cause. “If one is hungry, you give them food, and if thirsty, you give them water... it’s that thought that motivated my actions.” Sister Lucy says she had to lie about going to Kochi for the protest to her superior, because “they wouldn’t allow me”. “I was not worried about the repercussions or frightened. There was a fire in my heart to reach out to the protesting nuns, and nobody could throw water on it. The survivor should have been embraced, instead she was left to fend for herself. She broke down and told me she had wanted to take her life, but didn’t have the courage. Even those who supported her were vilified.” Sister Lucy says her unlikeliest ally during the trying time was her mother, then 84, who had once advised her to stay mum. “She told me, ‘Lucy, I thank you for showing your support. It’s brave of you.’”

Nandakumar, who has previously co-translated the JCB award-winning book Delhi: A Soliloquy by M Mukundan, says it is laudable that she raised her voice. “We are talking about a paternalistic establishment. It may take thousands of Sister Lucies for things to change. But telling her story will definitely create ripples.”