Hi Sandhya,
I am hoping a woman will help me get into the mind of another woman (who I love and desire). I have been seeing my girlfriend for close to five years, and the relationship is going strong. The passion is not dead. Yet. But at the risk of being blunt, I am a bit bored of conventional love-making. But my girlfriend is terrified of letting anything else into the bedroom other than me. Which means, no sex toys, no S&M and no watching porn together. Is there a way to get her to warm up to the idea of 'change' without spooking her out?
Thanks,
Eager-to-experiment-lover

Dear eager-to-experiment-lover,
To begin with, I love that pseudonym! I was talking to a male friend the other day about this. Sexual chemistry is crucial for any relationship to work, but that's not the only thing. What's more important is sexual compatibility. Two people have to want the same things from sex. I agree that only conventional lovemaking day-in-and-day-out with the same person can get boring, but not everybody feels that way, and obviously and unfortunately, your girlfriend doesn't. I assume you have tried speaking and reasoning with her before writing to me.

If you haven't, you have to gently tell her how you feel. Maybe over a bottle of wine, flowers, chocolates, poetry and your most winning smile! She may not go with everything immediately, but try bringing up just porn for a laugh. That's the slightly non-intrusive option, and if the wine and you are any good, she may just consider it. If not, appeal to her and ask her to do it for your sake. And if that doesn't work either, just BEG! CRY! Pull out all stops! But whatever you do, just do it right because intimacy issues are sensitive and she must not feel you want this because you are bored of her or don't find her attractive anymore.

Some women tend to feel that, especially if it's not put across to them well. And that makes them insecure and uncomfortable. Make sure you make her feel attractive and loved. You can win her to your side ufffd just be loving, gentle, funny, sensitive and whatever else she desires. She should come around.

Unless she's a nun at heart, in which case I really can't help you! You can't mess with Morality! Though I have a feeling that if you pay heed to my advice you will find the stairway to heaven, or at least have a few great evenings. :)